March 2017 has arguably been the most emotional month of my entire life. It started off with a real bang – getting engaged to the love of my life. It ended with a real twist – getting some clarification as to why my dad has been absent from my life for the past 10 years (will post more about that later).
So I have decided to “take a break” for the month of April. I will be fully detoxing from Social Media, personally and professionally. I will be keeping my social schedule pretty clear so I can focus on myself, my business and spending time with my fiance. And I will be choosing journaling, meditation and working-out over drinking (for the most part). It is so easy to let our schedules fill up and lose touch of the present moment. I want to take back control of that and my life.
In a world where we are ‘seeing’ people’s lives through filters and highlight reels it is difficult to be vulnerable and stay in touch with what is true. I have been very sad, overwhelmed and angry this month but it has been hard to post about that because people are expecting me to ‘be on cloud nine’ since I just got engaged. Well the truth is, my beautiful engagement has brought up a lot of grief. Yes, grief.
Grief is a word that is misunderstood and I have been dedicated to learning about grief through The Grief Recovery Method. At the Grief Recovery Institute ®, they define grief as “the conflicting feelings that come at the end or change of a familiar pattern of behavior.”
Now, it might seem peculiar that such a joyous event could have conflicting sentiments but if you really think about your own life experiences it isn’t that strange at all. For example, when you go to college you are starting a thrilling new chapter but you are leaving behind your friends and home. This results in you feeling excited yet scared and sad. These conflicting emotions come up during all transitions and getting engaged is a transition.
Naturally, when you get engaged people start asking you about your wedding plans. It is easy to succumb to the pressure of planning the perfect wedding and pleasing everybody. Add that stress to the fact that a wedding and marriage is another example of a transition time… and you have hit the mother-load. A wedding is also a life event where there is a lot of focus on the bride’s father (and family).
Do you see where I am going with this?
Immediately after the engagement I started to picture my wedding and some arduous realizations began to surface…
- My father won’t be walking me down the aisle or giving me away.
- I won’t have my first dance with my father.
- My father isn’t going to help me plan and pay for my wedding.
And then just like that, the flood gates opened and the full-blown ugly cry began. Realizing that the typical reality for most brides won’t be my reality brought on a ton of sorrow. How is that for conflicting feelings?
So why am I sharing all of this? Because there isn’t enough vulnerability in this world. Because not enough people realize that grief pops up in a lot of unexpected places and that is okay. I wanted to share my experience to hopefully shed some light and open up the conversation.
PLUS, I know my millions of social media followers will be devastated when I don’t post for a month ;).
So stay tuned my friends.
See you May 1st!
Much love & peace out.